Student: I’ve lost my cellphone
Me: Ok, what does it look like?
Student: Well… It’s rectangular…
Really? REALLY?!
Oh darn, sorry! We’ve only got triangular cellphones in at the moment!
Appropriate responses to the massive box full of lost USBs:
“Holy shit! There are so many!”
“Goodness, I don’t feel like such an idiot now I know so many people lose their USBs”
Inappropriate response:
“Mine’s not here… are there any more?”
Are you fucking shitting me?
Student: Hey, do you know where lost property is?
Me: Yep.
*go back to my computer*
Me: Alright, when did you lose it?
Him: Uhhh… I’m not really sure…
Me: Approximately?
Him: Uhhh…. yeah… I dunno…
I’m not asking for the exact hour and second that you lost the damn thing! But throw me a frickin bone kiddo… A week ago? A month ago? A year ago? I’m not trawling through three months of lost property if you only lost it yesterday. /rage
Me: Right, so what does it look like?
Student: It looks like a cellphone….
Me: Sorry, we haven’t had any phones handed in at all today.
Student: Oh… ok… but I lost it in the library… so…
Me: NO. FUCKING. PHONES.
(They always insist on telling me more information about how/when/where they lost something after I have established that we DO NOT have it… as if that will suddenly make it appear.)
Student: I’ve lost my glasses
Me: What do they look like?
Student: Ohh… just… like… normal glasses.
Me: Fuck off and die.
Student: Hey, is this lost and found?
Me: Yes, what have you lost?
Student: A twilight book.
Me: Bro… just let it go.
Student: So yeah… it’s um… just a ring…
